Never, A Family Tradition

by Tinamarie Cox

It wasn’t until my mother’s senior years that she learned she had another uncle; when a relative stumbled upon a deteriorating photograph with all the children present. The immigrant children stood side by side with their brother who had lost his hearing to an illness. The boy was sent away to a Home for the Deaf. His last day in the only world he knew captured in an image as he posed with his suitcase. He was never seen or heard from again. He was erased after that photograph.

I have no visual record of my mother’s aunt, the one she learned about in passing during her teenage years. The memory of my grandfather’s sister was made of whispers in the breeze. The voices said it was such a shame that a beautiful young woman was never sane. The girl was hidden away in an asylum. She was never seen or heard from again. She was erased when they locked her door and left her as a faceless name.

I have no way to tell if I might have had another sibling. One my mother never held in her arms, only in her heart. My father insinuated there had been one more to make note of when my mother told her oncologist she only ever had three pregnancies. And I don’t know which parent to believe because our family changes history. They perpetuate safe narratives, like how no one is ever hurting and there’s never a reason to cry.

And I wonder if that’s all my family knows how to do in regards to treating pain. My father tells me I remember my childhood incorrectly when I try to bring the stormy weather out. But just because some things aren’t talked about, doesn’t mean they never happened. Some memories are messy. Some scars are underneath the skin. I feel them prickling, refusing to be ignored.  So, I sit and wait for my turn to be erased.

Tinamarie Cox lives in Arizona with her husband, two children, and rescue felines. Her written and visual work has appeared in many online and print publications under a variety of genres. When she isn't writing, Tinamarie enjoys reading, painting, crafting, watching movies, and cuddling her human and fur babies. You can explore more of her work at tinamariethinkstoomuch.weebly.com.